After taking the lead of some of my writerly friends (and editorly/publisherly ones) I’ve decided to celebrate this October by watching a horror (or horror-ish) movie each night for all 31 nights. With the exception of Sunday the 14th (when I’ll be in Worcester, MA at Rock and Shock with my fellow New England Horror Writers) I’m hoping to not miss a day…and I may try to squeeze in a short one that day anyway, we’ll see. I’ll be watching some old favorites as well as ones that are new to me and I’ll share my log each week. This will be less of a review and more of my random thoughts so I hope you enjoy…
Without further ado, I give you:
October 1: THE EXORCIST (1973)
Very Basic Synopsis: Possessed girl in DC gets an Exorcist.
As soon as I decided to do this I knew this would be the first movie. It is without a doubt my favorite movie of all time. I just can’t think of anything bad to say about it except that, by today’s standards, it can be considered slow-moving. If you’re looking for a slaughter from the start then you will be disappointed, but if you enjoy a slow burn then this is the shit. It’s even pretty faithful to the book without being boring (like Rosemary’s Baby can be at times…there, I said it). If you have never seen the movie (and therefore have been living under a rock for your entire life) then be prepared for me to show up with a case of beer and one of my copies because everyone in the world should see this movie. Final word: Brilliant.
October 2: NIGHT OF THE DEMONS (1988)
Very Basic Synopsis: Party in an abandoned morgue wakes the demons.
Yes, if you’ve looked at my FB you may remember that I watched this not too long ago. So what. I watch it all the time. Although The Exorcist is my favorite movie of all time, this is my favorite B-movie of all time. What’s not to like? Stupid big haired 80’s teens, stock characters, drinking, demon sex, horrible one-liners that can be repeated whenever you want to be publicly inappropriate, Angela dancing to Bauhaus, and lots of footage that can be repeated in parts two and three (but not the remake…steer clear of that one). Does it get better? Oh yeah, lots. But does it get more stupidly fun? Not on your life…at least not in my opinion. Final word: Craptastic.
October 3: PIRANHA 3D (2010)
Very Basic Synopsis: Ancient Piranha wake up and terrorize a lake.
Disappointed. Big time. I didn’t even make it halfway through. What a stupid movie, and the one big draw (the piranha, of course) was so stupid looking that I thought I was watching Mega Piranha. The difference is I didn’t laugh at all. I can’t imagine why anyone liked this enough to make a sequel. My only thought is that enough people spent money on it to see 3D tits that they just HAD to make a $equel (cha-ching). Sex doesn’t make a movie worth watching. Sorry porn industry, but this is why people fast forward through your shit (at least, that’s what I’ve been told…). Final word: Turd.
October 4: MEGA PIRANHA (2010)
Very Basic Synopsis: Genetically altered piranha grow bigger than a house.
After last night’s disaster, I decided to watch an intentionally stupid piranha movie that actually succeeds in being both preposterous AND wildly entertaining. I first saw this movie on Netflix a while back and thought “oh boy, this one is going to suck…but I have twenty minutes so let’s get it over with…” I ended up watching the whole movie and (no kidding) went out the same day and bought it on Blu-ray. I hadn’t had that much fun with a bad movie since Night of the Demons. It has horrible overacting, giant stupid-looking fish, rampant insanity, fire and explosions, a “tough guy” Navy SEAL (who even manages to combat kick a school of piranha), a stereotypical South American dictatorship, and two “big” names from my childhood: Tiffany and…uhh…one of the Brady kids. Mike Brady maybe? Oh yeah, did I mention the insanity? Grab a bowl of crazycorn and watch this gem with a friend. Totally worth it. Final word: Ridiculous.
October 5: THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (1974)
Very Basic Synopsis: Crazy family kills people.
Yep, I love this movie. I love the remake too, but this is about the original. This movie was gritty long before that term “gritty reboot” became a household name. Everything just looks so damn dirty. Sure, the Hitchhiker and the Cook are both ridiculous overactors; Franklin is a big pansy; Sally’s screaming is painfully annoying; the other characters are just there to die; and yeah, it’s uncomfortable at times. Isn’t that the point? You watch the movie for one reason to watch annoying people die in horrible ways. Sure the chainsaw only actually kills one person; I prefer the sledge anyway. Final word: Brutal.
October 6: HORSEMEN (2009)
Very Basic Synopsis: Cop investigates murders in style of the four horsemen.
I wasn’t expecting a lot from this movie so I wasn’t disappointed when it wasn’t a masterpiece. However, I found myself enjoying it a lot more than I would have thought. The story was nothing original: loner cop married to his job gets a case he can’t sort out, at least not until the “big reveal” climax that we totally shouldn’t have guessed well before the movie was even halfway over. Even knowing what was going to happen, it was still entertaining in the vein of Se7en, although nowhere near as engaging. Sadly, one of the biggest detractors for me was the star. I just couldn’t take Dennis Quaid seriously. I think he’s a good actor, but for me he just didn’t gel with this film. That, and there was more than a little bit of teenage whininess. Final word: Meh.
October 7: SEASON OF THE WITCH (2011)
Very Basic Synopsis: Crusade deserters are tasked with delivering a witch to a pack of monks.
Like last night’s movie, this has been in my Netflix queue longer than I can remember (I have a feeling this month may clear out a few). However, in this case I enjoyed it far more than expected. I’m not generally a fan of Nicolas Cage, but I think he was well suited for this movie. With the very awesome Ron Perlman to balance him out, I actually thought they made a good team. As far as the movie goes, I was impressed that at times it was actually creepy. The beginning was a lot of sword fights and dude sweat, but once they started their “witch delivery” mission I was hooked. I have to admit, I was even surprised a few times, particularly when they realize things are not at all as they seemed. This movie was really well done and I really recommend it. Final word: Creepy.
See you in a week!